Parents

Locating the "right" college for your son or daughter - and there is almost certainly more than one "right" college - is very much a "family affair". While the process can produce its fair share of stress and anxiety, choosing a college can also be a remarkably positive experience for both you and your son or daughter. You'll need to start early, plan ahead, and organize and analyze what you learn along the way.

How You Can Help

As parents, your role in the college selection process is much more than just driving your children to visit colleges, proof-reading application essays, and paying the bills - although at times it will may seem like these things are all that you are contributing. In fact, there are a number of ways you can provide meaningful assistance.

Help Frame the Questions Your Son or Daughter Needs to Answer About Themselves

You can help frame questions about your child's interests, skills, goals and aspirations and help your son or daughter focus on what kind of experience they are looking for over the next four years. For example, what kind of setting is he/she most comfortable with, and what kind of academic challenge will he/she want?

Help Frame the Questions Your Son or Daughter Needs to Answer About the College

You can also help develop the criteria for a good match by discussing with your son or daughter the aspects of a college that are most important to them. These primary selection criteria might include factors such as size, location, the availability of programs in their area of academic interest, the availability of extra-curricular activities (e.g. varsity sports, debate, theater), and costs and financial aid.

Help Collect Information

You can also help collect information. The internet makes this easy, and there are also numerous guide books that provide comprehensive summary information. In addition to answering questions concerning the "what's most important" criteria you've developed, we suggest taking a look at a number of different factors, such as the SAT ranges for accepted students, the percentage of applicants offered admission, and the freshman year retention rate, to name a few.

Get the Most Out of Your Visits

You can help your son or daughter get the most out of their campus visits, which are still the best way to collect information. You can help with the necessary homework before you go, and discuss impressions immediately after each visit (visits tend to blend together after a while). Also, the trip to visit a campus is a terrific opportunity to prepare for the admissions interview. As the miles pile up, you can help your son or daughter anticipate and be prepared for the kinds of questions he or she will encounter during an interview.

Help Your Son or Daughter Make Realistic Choices

You also can help your son or daughter make realistic choices; realistic academically for them and realistic financially for you. This step seems obvious, but every year we get calls from school counselors who need last minute help for a student who was turned down at all seven/eight/nine schools to which he or she applied. Also, if you know that you are not able to swing things financially, you don't want your child falling in love with a particular school only to have to turn down the offer of admission because of family finances. The financial issues are a little tricky, because you don't know what you might receive in financial aid - but be honest about your willingness to take out loans or have your child take out loans.

Prepare Your Family Financially

A related role is preparing your family financially for college expenses. Familiarize yourself with the financial aid process and work up your own numbers or sit with your tax person or financial advisor. Whatever you do, don't wait until April or May of senior year to consider how you'll pay for college in September!

Help With the Details

Before you son or daughter starts filling out applications, you probably should discuss the number of applications he or she will complete. At anywhere from $35 to $75 dollars each, application fees can add up pretty quickly. Also, you can help pay attention to deadlines. Application deadlines, for both admission and financial aid forms, are very important. They also present real opportunities for friction. We would advise you to pick your battles, but be prepared to do a little nagging here and there!

Easy Does It

Ultimately, probably one of the most important contributions parents can make is to help ensure a rational and calm decision-making process. But you can only do that if you are rational and calm about the process yourself! So be prepared to swallow hard occasionally, and to take a few deep breaths as you stand back and let your son or daughter take the lead. It is, after all, their four years, and those years likely will be much more meaningful for them if they have had a central role in choosing where they are spent.

Best of luck to you and to your family!